Figments of Fragmental Insanity!

tiny

2010-05-16T08:38:00.003+05:30

vo do beegha aasmaan jo uski chhat se dikhta hai...

vo khoobsurat peele phool jo darwaza kholte hi muskura dete hain

unpar vo hazaron titliyan...

subah subah vo bansuri ki azaaz...

~ maybe... just maybe.. such is life! :)

9 to 6 ?

2010-05-11T10:40:00.003+05:30

and she desperately tries to keep at her game of make believe... she opens her window curtain only half just so the large palm tree can peek at her and hides the sea of buildings behind the other curtain... to go on with her make believe of a log cabin in a forest deep down somewhere...

she sits thinking if it is the pursuit of happiness then where did we go wrong...

him

2010-05-08T09:10:00.003+05:30

and she's let the spaces around her remain untouched in a vain manic effort to let him be around... in the dusty crevices... in the cold and messy sheets... in the stale smoke of cigarettes...

the swan song

2010-04-26T08:57:00.006+05:30

the soul spiralled out on her... the chatter has begun to quiet down...

"the angel opens her eyes

pale blue colored iris,

presents the circle and

puts the glory out to hide, hide...

lightning crashes"

- Live

cheers to life!

find her here on facebook

the rising

2010-03-16T22:26:00.002+05:30

black

pause

dark

silhouette

dream..?

loud

prodigal

celtic

lightning

mantra

karma

night

putrid

screeching halt

will she?

2010-02-18T20:26:00.004+05:30

as the embers burn out silently she stares into the starry night.. she knows she's been a wild child and thoughts of settling wrench at her...

she thinks of him... she thought she'd chosen a life.. she'd been wrong...

in this afterthought as she looked at her reflection in a mirror surrounded by dim yellow lights she sighed first and then she smiled... in the reflection beside her she saw him...

"Sweet surrender on the quayside

You remember we used to run and hide.."

- Dire Straits

don't walk away

2010-02-07T07:33:00.005+05:30

in a moment of insanity she had stood before the mirror and chopped the tangles off... he had held onto them long enough...

she drove through the morning fog and let the cold wind play havoc with her hair... myriad thoughts of him surrounded her... she felt strangely free... she felt like the white headed eagle's he had always sent her... morose in it's freedom..

"Fatal velocity, comes on with a rush,

overpowering, gives the final push

A false sincerity, a liar and a thief,

my pulse and memory, a comfort within grief

Kill sweet desire, faith may numb the trial,

but can you run all your life..."

- Poets of the Fall

a high and a half...

2010-01-30T21:11:00.003+05:30

vanilla... she's started loving the smell...

jiving alone on a stormy night under the stars as her vanilla scented hair played around and kissed her nose she has a sly smile.. only she knows where she has been...

she anticipates now... she's less afraid to hope coz she's reached an acceptance...

wishing on a shooting star as she lights the lamp made of old guitar strings with a candle in it (yes.. vanilla again) she knows that this is a feeling that will never fade...

will it..?

2010-01-16T20:45:00.004+05:30

"It's hard to breathe in the city

It's easier to drink

Come to my house, we'll sit in the dark

And try not to think

About the green fields, the way the land feels"

- Dawn Landes

and they sat there talking of their utopia's little realizing how close they had become... she stood their scared and wondering as her mind did li'l somersaults... it was uncertain... she did not want to break away...

dove

2010-01-08T09:17:00.002+05:30

and so she let her stars break and fall... they showered on her in bits and pieces... but on a cold night on her terrace she saw the supernova she had been waiting for...

she's woken up to a dull winter sun and a cold winter breeze... she's woken up to peace and silence in her heart... she's woken up knowing she experienced her champagne supernova...

the homecoming

2009-12-30T21:14:00.003+05:30

and she's surrounded by sounds yet she hears her own voice.. crystal..

she looks on in a crowd and see's her shadows... lost

she lets the breeze play wanton with her hair and tries to smile from deep within... she figure's it's gonna be a long time coming..

hiatus

2009-10-11T20:37:00.001+05:30

'sounds of silence'

past the neon lights

2009-10-04T17:59:00.002+05:30

and sometimes you know there are too many cobwebs... there's too many strings...

she was there... and she knew this was one of those moments where change would set into motion... from her hair color to her silences... she couldn't explain it... like on a rainy night as a puddle splashes by and a bat flies too low... like on a cloudy summer day it's just the right shade of purple at sunset... like she opens the door and a raven stares through the dense green of the trees... like a log cabin with the fireplace aglow...

this was big.

free life

2009-09-22T01:24:00.005+05:30

as he strummed his electric girlfriend she heard the voice of his heart... she heard everything he was wanting to say in the strum of those six strings...

she held him close and felt the voice of his soul and slowly danced to the tune she heard.. she danced with him and a raven flew over head as the leaves of the palm seemed to take over the strumming and she got lost in the warmth of his life...

signs..?

2009-09-07T20:34:00.003+05:30

two ravens encircled her as she stepped out into the morning rain... there had always been one... was this a sign?

twilight swept it's curtain and pinned it with a star... in a rain stricken sky... was this a sign?

darkness hugged her close as her soul felt calm... on a stormy day... was this a sign?

ebony

2009-08-30T17:53:00.002+05:30

"Wake up the dawn and ask her why

A dreamer dreams, she never dies"

- Oasis

it's still... stormy yet still... she picks up a flowing skirt and muddles up her curls... she looks up to the sky to find an early evening moon... wistful eyes..

she tries to smile to make most of the night...

a lone a gain

2009-08-11T11:42:00.001+05:30

and silence in an intertwine as a thought begins to break

in mellowed hues of soft light

she walks in beauty like the night

of raindrops blue and a raven peeking in

she stares at the sky changing its' hues!

spiral

2009-06-19T01:02:00.004+05:30

and in the sullen darkness of a warm night she looks upto her lil piece of the sky... or at least the one she calls her own... she stares into the colors of midnight long enough to see stars beyond the infinite...

there is an unrest... there is no song she's hanging onto... there is no tune she's humming... there's just a swirl in her head refusing to settle...

and there is but one image embedded deeply in her mind's eye that keeps on playing... her lil piece of the mountain with a huge black scar used like a scribble pad... it's almost replaced the flame she would see each time she would close her eyes...

"and the wheel's just keep on turning

while the drummer begins to drum.."

borderline moksha

2009-06-14T17:33:00.003+05:30

her eyes reach out for the blue sky.... all she manages to see are small pieces between buildings and from her window is visible the concrete zoo...

she reckons she'll take time coming back to civilization... meanwhile she closes her eyes to curl up in the warmth of the days she spent wandering the cold deserts...

she knows something changed inside her.. (did everything?).. she's been walking through the days in a semi trance feeling numbed the complications of civilization and the fabric of society... she waits for the silences to takeover and a canvas she can let it out on...

~ hari om.

tussles of life

2009-05-17T16:09:00.002+05:30

a hot sultry morning turned to hues of soft blue and bright green as rain pelted down... her reclusiveness was getting the better of her... and she was thinking did she want it or was she wishing it away...?

lightning under a star

2009-05-09T21:03:00.001+05:30

rare.. :)

as the coconut trees around her rustle alongwith the wind... the lightning turns to her and the thunder crashes out loud she believes what she has always believed... that the storm is washing away her tears and making way for his wish to come to true...

wish

2009-05-06T11:51:00.002+05:30

she asked him to wish... wish for something anything... she had a feeling it would come true (yeah the corny feeling of woman's intuition)

he did. she asked him what... he slowly says "i wished for everything that makes you happy to come true".

she let a tear roll by in the dark quiescence of a star spangled night and wished she could wrap his arms around her and cry...

hiatus explained..

2009-04-14T14:16:00.006+05:30

and maybe this is one of the ways she frees her darkness and lets it run wild.. while running free in the mountains herself... (maybe this will get her back!) and maybe.. just about maybe.. you would want to come along? (hit www.78mmadventures.com if you would!)

hiatus.

2009-04-05T16:28:00.002+05:30

she thinks she'll be talking to herself for sometime now... she will open up her darkness to you again.. remains to be seen when.

~ takes a bow!

the uplifting!

2009-03-28T18:37:00.005+05:30

crazy lonely nights as she curls into herself and tries to hibernate off to the world... voices in her head circling as alcohol and orange juice 'seem' to pacify... a dying inspiration... a waking torture...

..suddenly a peaceful weekend.. no voices.. no sounds... just pink floyd and her soul... just every li'l thing she knows she has to set right being set right and a calm descending!

slowly she sits to count her lucky stars... and he calls her up just to check on her... it leaves her smiling as she settles down with yet some more orange juice! ;)

~ it's been sometime since she's been with herself... everytime she does it she ends up with that stupid grin on her face.. everytime she promises to do it more often.. everytime she gets lost in the sands for longer than planned...!

replacement

2009-03-25T23:30:00.001+05:30

since i've been at a loss for words and this is what it is it is it is.....

strings.. attached?

2009-03-13T01:28:00.003+05:30

and then sometimes you crave a silence... a meditative one...

and then you end up in a depressive quiescence and need the noise...

but the voices get to you.. you can't bear to hear the pure mechanical sound of the human voice box..

and then sometimes... it's just simpler with some red wine and a guitar!

glinting!

2009-03-13T01:05:00.001+05:30

and she closed her eyes... clutched her cellphone... and let the rain hit her face and reach to her soul while her hair twirled and ran free!

change..?

2009-02-02T01:17:00.002+05:30

snow covered terrain and she begins to hallucinate into the cold smoke arising out of it.. she closes her eyes to find her balance and her world has spun around in the fragment of that moment.. she knows she's been changed forever.. she knows the twinkle in her eyes has altered to reflect something more...

she stares on at a threadbare tree over an electric blue sky... she looks onto the patterns of the sky for hours on end as they change myriadly...

she discovers she can meditate while walking... she discovers she can speak without talking... she discovers she likes her silence!

?

2009-01-14T01:43:00.001+05:30

is she waiting for a question?

should she just answer without it?

hallucination

2009-01-07T12:39:00.002+05:30

engulfed in blue smoke listening to a melody... she reaches out to touch it... it's not there...

she sighs and turns away...

the quiescence is deafening!

listening...

2009-01-04T21:30:00.001+05:30

striptease

2008-12-29T23:29:00.002+05:30

when an angel smiles at her demons and wishes upon a star...!

she closed her eyes to a rancour of thunder... she opened them to flames... she let her soul dance to a swan song as its every bit lay threadbare...!

craving silence

2008-12-21T06:31:00.003+05:30

the sounds that the morning is here reached her ears as she stared out the window into the fog... her tired eyes began to see inkblots as she reached for the pillow...

as she closed her eyes to the waking up world she wished for a dreamless sleep..!

wayward

2008-12-13T01:19:00.005+05:30

legs crossed and huddled in her flowing black skirt... fiddling with her tousled curly hair... a faraway look in her eyes... in this moment she is not here...

zoya

2008-12-12T01:24:00.003+05:30

जब भी मिलती है मुझे अजनबी लगती क्यों है?
ज़िन्दगी रोज़ नए रंग बदलती क्यों है?

she's had these lines from umrao jaan echoing in her head!

silence.

2008-12-02T12:32:00.001+05:30

"Someone falls to pieces

Sleepin all alone

Someone kills the pain

Spinning in the silence

To finally drift away

Someone gets excited

In a chapel yard

Catches a bouquet

Another lays a dozen

White roses on a grave"

- Audioslave

In memory of the victims of the Siege of Mumbai... In memory of all the lives that were lost in a country with maimed leaders..

The real story here.

weekends!

2008-11-29T10:32:00.001+05:30

lazy saturday morning and the sun breaks through the clouds straight onto her... she winces and hides her face, adjusting her eyes to the light she looks down from her balcony at the scenes of an everyday... and she hears her insides scream out a to do list...

she knows she's found her balance since she can shut that voice up and crawl right back into bed to revel in the laziness! :)

(PS: some kind of a poltergeist seems to have returned yet again to haunt this blog at least! I have not been able to set the font right.. I have not been able to justify the previous post and now the line spacing also goes for a toss!!)

the resurgent smile...

2008-11-17T23:59:00.004+05:30

to the sounds of a random strum she sits... there's just plain blocks of concrete surrounding her and the only sky visible is between them haltingly... the sounds of coffee being beaten... a slow warmth manages to trickle for she's with the world that's always made it all meanigful... suddenly she doesnt need to escape... and she s-l-o-w-l-y smiles as playful banter takeover!

dawn at dusk

2008-10-02T17:44:00.003+05:30

and it was trying... one drop on the windscreen... half hour later a couple smaller ones more... one drop on her arm as she stretched it out to feel it... and as she parked and made her way up the stairs a raven cackled wildly... as she sat rediscovering the song of her soul it drizzled...

an amber light... a setting sun... falling leaves... and she remembered him..!

there it was... a loud cackle of thunder...

moksha in the minions

2008-09-29T13:41:00.004+05:30

silence... leaves rustle without a sound... an eagle glides quietly... the soul turns away beckoning a similar silence... when?

did... ?

2008-09-05T23:44:00.004+05:30

did you walk under the cloudy sky? did you stare at the sunset? did you notice that white-headed eagle hovering above? did you tug at your hair and make a wistful wish? did you close your eyes to the darkness? did it embrace you...?

high on life...

2008-09-05T13:10:00.002+05:30

as the journey becomes more important than the destination... as dreams begin to reach fruition! and as the quiescence gives way to a smile of hope and a wand of peace!

deeper in the whirlpool

2008-08-28T02:02:00.002+05:30

she's fighting... she's fighting with herself to let go... she hates the fact she's breaking in her own soul.. she had promised to be strong... (promised to herself..) she asks herself why!

she can fake it to the whole world... she can blame it all on something else... but she knows deep within what it is.. she knows she's shivering at the thought...

this silence when it breaks will be a loud scream... this silence in all its benignity is a crashing bout of madness... a madness that is gripping her and ensconcing her with her each passing moment...

it is but her insanity maybe... it's rankling her right now...

...

2008-08-23T10:51:00.008+05:30

and she crashes...

into silence!

(image credits to Sven Geier)

let go..

2008-08-20T15:46:00.003+05:30

a sudden tryst with sanity has her up and awake... and the oft repeated question "what am i doing here" keeps her wide eyed for several moments... slowly she lets it all go... slowly she begins to float through it... and slowly... she settles down in nostalgia...!

life's symbolism..

2008-08-01T16:49:00.003+05:30

a cuppa of mint coffee*... an open doorway... streams of rain.... 2 ravens on a tree with their backs to each other!

*(78mm copyrighted!)

orbital..

2008-07-25T01:27:00.003+05:30

and after days she finds the time and peace in her head to open this page and pen her thoughts! it's still an incomplete painting... she sees it coming to fruition soon! it's still a few empty glasses... she sees a celebration soon! it's still cold and dark outside... but she likes the wind playing with her spirit! :)

her uncalled for hiatus cannot be explained... but yes this is where she has been off late.. 'high on life' with 78mm and her Adventure Log!

boondein

2008-06-29T18:30:00.006+05:30

दो बीघा ज़मीन और एक खिड़की आसमान...
पर हाँ.. उस पर एक मुस्कान!

(do beegha zameen aur ek khidki aasmaan...
par haan.. us par ek muskaan!)

to strike

2008-06-27T02:28:00.003+05:30

and the way the half moon looks at her from behind the cluster of clouds.. beyond the rustling palm tree as she sits in her doorway... she knows there's a foreboding of some sort...

cold...

2008-06-25T00:02:00.002+05:30

tonight she can write the saddest lines... her soul is breaking as words collide... an unending loop... her shadow falls through..

2 strings on 6 string and she tries to belt out a broken tune... a stray twisted string turns her shadow to smithereens...

she knows she's lost this war she waged... she knows its time to gather the bearings and walk on... just walk on... through that unending loop!

lonely?

2008-06-24T23:24:00.003+05:30

and then she had something to share yet no one call...
she curled up in bed with a warm cookie and some milk and 'celebrated' in silence!

vicious...

2008-06-22T23:13:00.005+05:30

"a three chord symphony crashes into space
the moon is hanging upside down.."
- Dire Straits

when the night comes..

2008-06-16T22:53:00.003+05:30

she let her hair drop to her shoulders after a long long day... she had lived through several roles for the day and now wanted to be alone and be herself... those smoke filled hair had started to make her comfortable now... she was able to keep them free longer!

she looked up at dark night sky with deep auburn clouds and huddled up near the doorway as the night whispered her asleep!

then and now

2008-06-06T02:02:00.004+05:30

ever felt that you wished for something... wanted something... and eventually, slowly began to give it up? let it all go? and then just as slowly.. after a long time of not believing, not wishing.. ever felt as if its started to come true.. bit by lil bit?? ever begun to re-believe that dreams can come true..?

it's been a monsoony afternoon and she found herself smiling..! someone very recently commented.. 'she seems to like the wind!' :) well.. her spirit runs free with it.. "as wild and reckless as thunder over the land, racing with the eagles, soaring with the wind! Flying... " (from Spirit) and here she was... believing that she could.. believing that it can maybe all come true..!

a(de)ttachment!

2008-05-26T01:28:00.005+05:30

and sometimes u need to detach yourself and not see your soul...

she let her hair down... sat in her doorway at the balcony and saw the palm trees rustle in the silent rainy night... lightning behind the clouds and a hush all around!

as the wind played with her hair... and her eyes played with more than just 'her' soul... she wondered why she cared..

as she found her answers... a tear rolled off... ~sigh!

to each his own...

2008-05-15T02:18:00.002+05:30

as her hair falls to her shoulders the smell of stale smoke wafts by... her thoughts run to the phase of nicotinated nirvana and she lets out a muted laugh..! Now if only she could let go off the crystal flute..!

psychosis

2008-05-06T03:12:00.004+05:30

she comes home and compulsively starts cleaning up and getting the place in order... she picks up the leftovers in the fridge and the remains of a huge fruit plate and nibbles on it... myriad thoughts cross her head and with the first look at herself in the mirror she knows she's losing it...

she randomly walks around the house... she stops by the shelf where she keeps her good glasses (she's always had a thing for glasses!) and questions resound in her head... 'should she break the glass?' 'should she use the shards?'

addicted..

2008-05-02T01:33:00.002+05:30

it is but sweet pain... yet her eyes are searching...!

it is but cherished silence... yet there is a bittersweet symphony she yearns for!

it is turmoil... and thus chaos reigns..!

jus this...

2008-04-26T14:58:00.000+05:30

no jetplane...

2008-04-15T23:39:00.001+05:30

packed bags... curtains pulled down... this place doesn't feel hers anymore.... and then she asks... 'was it ever?'

etched..!

2008-04-05T01:16:00.004+05:30

the wind blew through her hair and tousled them into tiny lil curls as she walked along the ocean floor in search of her shadow... she found a few sea shells with the sound of the sea in them... she found her fingers intertwined in his... she looked to the sky and saw a scattering of stars she never imagined.. she saw the sun set on one side and the moon rise on the other as the world turned full circle... as his fingers strummed the guitar she wondered if her world was beginning to turn full circle too...?

and she began to cherish the 'sound of silence!'

what do you see?

2008-03-18T01:06:00.003+05:30

and she painted...

starfish?

2008-03-09T12:01:00.002+05:30

her hands tremble at the want of inspiration... she knows this is the moment of change where she is the painter... the bulbous molten form is morphing into various shapes (even a starfish in red sand) before it finds it's course... what will be?

vanity..?

2008-03-01T06:20:00.004+05:30

she sits in the wee hours of the morning with the cold morning air burning her cheeks as she gathers the tattered edges of her world...

... as her hair frame her face and drop over her shoulders, a wistful expression in her eyes says she looks beautiful... yet in vain...!

the wait...

2008-02-23T14:38:00.000+05:30

And the night sky tugs at her heart strings as she waits... wishing.... (hoping?)

Dar(k)ling...

2008-02-16T02:23:00.001+05:30

A copy paste Pablo Neruda:

"I don't love you as if you were the salt-rose, topaz
or arrow of carnations that propagate fire:
I love you as certain dark things are loved,
secretly, between the shadow and the soul."

wish..

2008-02-09T00:04:00.000+05:30

she saw a shooting star and refrained from wishing on it... she was afraid the wish might come true...

puff of smoke

2008-02-04T23:31:00.000+05:30

it was a cold dusty morning... she hadn't really slept... the smell of stale smoke reeking in her tousled open hair brought his thoughts rushing to her... the way his eyes look at her for a meaning deeper than she can ever offer... the way the white headed eagle soars over her gray aura... and the way she looked at the night sky and saw the stars slowly fade away....

PS: 'The Ramblings of My Soul' aka 'naughtyspark' is back in business!

what will be?

2008-01-30T02:17:00.000+05:30

and as night fall captures every beat of her heart she looks at the raindrops splashing on the balcony and smiles... she wonders at the obsessive compulsive cleanliness that has taken a grip on her being (true and complete) and can feel a molten burgeoning change... she can feel her silence...

she lets the silence takeover... and waits...

zoya..

2008-01-24T14:20:00.000+05:30

"it's like a white fire burning
to the slow music turning!"

as her eyes wander deep within to the unkempt soul, her spirit stares up at a jagged cliff...

life continues... soft.. driven.. slow.. and mad!

and then...

2008-01-13T22:11:00.000+05:30

and she closes her eyes... she is surprised... she expected images of a fire breathing volcano to blow her apart but instead saw a bubbling stream...

she opened her eyes to a certain calm around her... her turmoil had begun to reduce... it was as if the cosmos had kept it's hand on her head... her eyes were still puzzled but her spirit was taking a slow stretch!

broken

2008-01-12T02:26:00.000+05:30

" aur ek tamanna aaj uske dil me ghar kar gayi..."

she was always afraid of that... dreams are meant to be broken aren't they? that's a question she had asked someone of late and the someone's answer to that was not always.. and not completely.. a part does get fulfilled somewhere....

she had seen in someones eyes a will to fulfil dreams... not their own but of everyone close to them. she cried herself to sleep that night... she lay restless and walked the morning breeze with the thought... it was an emotion too beautiful for her to handle... she figured she would never experience it...

and now well... waitin for the shards of glass to pierce her feet...

she..

2008-01-10T02:18:00.000+05:30

and she lay with her head tufted in the softness of her pillow... the random light showed up the reddish tint of her hair as they came over her eyes... her tired eyes lay restless and open... she was warm in her blanket but cold in her heart... she was losing her own battle... she was mute.

imagine...!

2008-01-06T23:09:00.000+05:30

imagine diving into a lake and staring up at the sky from under the water... imagine two stars colliding and exploding in that sky... imagine the heat engulfing you as the insane flaming particles find their way into the lake...

and now... imagine the cosmic power held by each ripple at that moment...!

will..!

2008-01-05T01:45:00.000+05:30

darkness... cold raindrops... a breeze... a longing... fire on the raindrop!

disconnect...

2008-01-01T14:14:00.000+05:30

dreams turn to naught... a fairytale reaches a temporary close... she's seen something she probably never wanted to see... she's breaking away from it but it's a lot of 'what if's?' clouding thought...

a wish.. a want... 'needs' are hormonal! a 'fire'? yes... maybe... it's like a "cold fire" slowly erupting and eventually seizing... ~to do something... the 'something' in its state of un-definition is itchy and dizzy... it's molten.. it's trying to find shape...

'clutter' she wants to keep yet wants to organize... a semi burnt candle.. a painting she looks at and knows is her voice... she knows it came from the deepest spaces of her crazy mind... spaces she had never dared to venture...

The man behind these empty words
Is crying out in shame
Holding on to this sinking ship
When nothing else remains

It's hard to hold your head up
When you're kneeling down to pray
And the talking dooesn't come easy now
When the words get in the way
And if you could see what's going on
Behind these private eyes
The truth would look so easy now
But I'm running out of lies

You think the shadow of doubt
Is hangin' over my head
It's just an angel whose wings hide the sun
And it's myself I betray
I can not wish this away
Took my chance now the damage is done

- Excerpts from 'all i want is everything' by Def Lep

And oh yes... Happy New Year!

sign..?!

2007-12-28T02:08:00.000+05:30

flowers dying in a deliberately ignored corner of her room... clothes strewn across the floor.. phones ringing to the nines and then calls waiting... music slowing down to nothingness... fan letting of a whine... coffee machine careening slowly... a painting less than half done... empty glasses around her bed...

is there a sign here?

wish...

2007-12-26T01:36:00.000+05:30

"And I don't want the world to see me
Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"
- Iris, Goo Goo Dolls

That's pretty much all she has to say... then she looks up again to her li'l piece of the sky and sees a star blink... her gaze shifts to the crystal glass she holds as it catches the glint off the street light... she sees a bare tree under the light and a silent wish escapes her lips...

lower case...

2007-12-23T12:15:00.000+05:30

she's probably moved a total of 110 cms in 2 days now... a smoke an hour and some other stuff to keep her company... a coffee pot bubbling through the night... mindless movies buzzing on her screen and a sketchy painting on her easel...

refusing to ponder... only willing to float... absorbing... en-circling... yet rested... there is peace... in the faraway glaze of her very quiet eyes... ultimately... it's all ok. if it's not ok... it's not the end.

elixir...?

2007-12-20T00:13:00.000+05:30

cup of coffee in her hands, wind rustling in the trees...

her walk in the rain continued at night as well.. only to be interrupted by the loud jangle of her cellphone! (it was still Coldplay and she still loves it.. but it was a work call!)

and now there she sits... at this crazy hour... cup of coffee still in her hands... 2 phones on alternate calls... 'resolving issues!'

sleep is a distant wish and a forgotten memory all at the same time!

weds...?!

2007-12-19T09:44:00.000+05:30

And then there are those moments where she just cuddles into herself and hibernates... The soft winter chill surrounds her and the raindrops fall on her head as she struggles with life's most 'minor' decisions in the early morn!

Numerous reasons to get moving... one to bring a sparkle in her eyes...!

~ wading through a wednesday!

pink pajamas... ;)

2007-12-19T00:02:00.000+05:30

Pink Pajamas and Purple T-shirt! yeah.. that's what she's wearing and the sky's decided to take on those colors as well! It's an embrace of sorts... and she probably needs it!

Her destructive powers have decided to work the other way round these days and shes started to get things moving... (she should be happy you would think!) well.. she's missing the poltergeist in her... she likes to devastate!

The powers that be have been deemed answerable and well... we shall see! She will be back!

Footnote: Poletrgeist looks like she's gettin back in.. I've already tried to 'justify' this post 3 times but to no avail..!

will..?!

2007-12-17T00:28:00.000+05:30

She lets the cold engulf her as she surrounds herself with the smell of stale smoke from the ashtray she's stuffed in the cupboard in a rush to clear the tell tale signs... she curiously sniffs into a quarter of 'orange twist' and is met by a heady rush to the senses...

She's listening to songs that are breaking her heart and her dawn seems far away... her will has decided to reassert itself in myriad ways and it's been tumultuous! she doesn't know where it's takin her... for once she's let it all go and float with it... let it turn into dark alleys or long stairways... or take the path with the sun rising at the horizon and the wind rustling in the trees!

This shall also pass!

absconce...

2007-12-14T17:12:00.000+05:30

Airplane after airplane rattles the windows of her closely guarded abode to the shattering point of an opera singers voice... she turns pages blindly... wanting to read but just managing to let her thoughts rotate in her twiddly head!

She's been thinking of the quiet days she been having... peace may not be it... as the quiescence takes over, the book tumbles below and she's fast asleep... only to be woken up after 6 hrs by Coldplay playing on her cellphone and 'Mom' flashing wildly! Apparently she has been declared 'absconding' from her organization for no fathomable reason whatsoever! (~sighs! silently wishes life declared her absconding!)

So much for the quiescence... she decides it's time to shake up her world a li'l and barges into office dressed to kill! ;) (kill is the keyword!) As someone put it, 'you managed to shake up the world today just by deciding to crawl out of bed!'

~contented smile! so much for the absconce!

starlight...

2007-12-12T00:14:00.000+05:30

And she sits surrounded by quiescence save for her heartbeat as drag after drag of useless smoke fills her lungs! Her thoughts are random and fleeting... she's looking for a star in her sky... her own li'l piece of the sky which she stares upto every night! All she manages is a look unto darkness..

The sun she knows will rise again.. but will it break through the clouds in her piece of the sky?!

The smoke's over... the stars don't shine... the trees just rustle and bid gnite!

tussle...

2007-12-11T10:37:00.000+05:30

She gets up in the morning rubbing her eyes... she hasn't really slept and the puffed up darkened eyes of half sleep are evidence that thr's been a tussle in her head...

Free to be... want to be... or made to be?

The answer is not easy... it wrenches every bit of her... the black angels in her head are screaming vengeance... she knows it won't 'not hurt' but she also knows there still might be no answers...

And then:

The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind
The answer is blowin in the wind.

How many years must a mountain exist
Before it is washed to the sea?
How many years can some people exist
Before theyre allowed to be free?
How many times can a man turn his head
And pretend that he just doesnt see?

The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind
The answer is blowin in the wind.

How many times must a man look up
Before he can see the sky?
How many ears must one man have
Before he can hear people cry?
How many deaths will it take till he knows
That too many people have died?

The answer, my friend, is blowin in the wind
The answer is blowin in the wind.
The answer is blowin in the wind.

(lyrics from blowin in the wind.. Bob Dylan)

free...!

2007-12-09T23:05:00.000+05:30

He sends her a leaf... she knows its special... flowers have always been a 'rotting waste' to him... a leaf has signified purity...

She lets the leaf play around in her hands and as she stands in the balcony.... the breeze takes the leaf away... it swirls... free! it rises and falls... lowers and settles only to decide to play with the wind again! :)

It finally settles in a corner of the balcony... and as she picks it up gingerly, it flies away...

She smiles... she knows it's even more special!

?!

2007-12-09T03:27:00.000+05:30

Sitting in the vulnerability of the moonshine streaming through her windows she lets her thoughts wander... Her eyes are searching for answers to the myriad questions in her life... her soul burns within the lava of her life...

Mute she lies... under the window
The cold haunts her and grips her
She snuggles deeper into her blanket and changes tracks on the player
She just cant seem to relate... neither to the 'track' of her player nor to the 'track' of her life..

She floats...

~sighs! and dozes off!